But the idea of dream analysis fascinates me, even if I don't take it very seriously. I was once told that if you dream of having sex with someone, it's not a sign that you are attracted to that person sexually - straightforward as that interpretation may seem. Rather, if you dream of having sex with someone, it usually means that you want to be more like them - that they have some trait your subconscious mind feels you should acquire. It's flying dreams that are about sex, supposedly. (I wouldn't really know. I've only ever had maybe one or two flying dreams in my life. But then, I'm not a very sexual person most of the time, so maybe there's something to it.)
I dreamed last night that I was sitting with a friend on the edge of a pool party. I suppose Matt was still in the pool, swimming around, but I don't know. It was night, and I was sitting with this friend watching the antics of the others, talking, and sortof... I hesitate to say "cuddled", because that's got romantic connotations that this didn't have. Rather, we were comfortably leaning against each other in the way that only very good friends who trust each other can do. It was warm and pleasant.
After our talk wound through several trivial topics, he said, "Look up." I did, and had to close my eyes again immediately because what I saw was too beautiful to really comprehend all at once like that. Slowly, I re-opened my eyes, and it was still there: The night sky, stars glowing slightly blue like backlit diamonds on velvet and satin. I couldn't speak. It was too beautiful.
My friend took my hand - a warm, comforting grip - and said, "Come on." And then we were above the thin cloud cover, so close I could almost touch them. I was awash with wonder almost too strong to be contained by my frail mortal body - not pathos, but joy.
There was a pillar of... something. It looked like a cloud, but I knew it wasn't. Star-stuff, perhaps? It reached from the stars down to to cloud cover, where it thinned out. It looked sortof like something from a nebula, but thinner. The way you know things in dreams, I knew that if I reached out and put my hand in it, I'd carry that feeling of wonder and beauty with me forever.
I didn't. It was too big, too different. I wasn't sure I wouldn't value the feeling less if it was with me all the time. I worried that my friend would be disappointed, or try to pressure me into it. But he only nodded and smiled and promised to bring me back once I'd thought about it and decided.
There was more, but that's what I can remember clearly.
Conventional interpretation says that because I had this dream, I want to have sex with this friend. But I don't think that's what the dream was attempting to evoke. For months now, I've felt like I'm on the cusp of something - a new stage in my life, a step forward in my personal evolution. I know it sounds astonishingly cheesy and hokey to say it that way, but I don't know how else to say it.
I've been making a lot of changes in the way I live, the way I think, the way I react to the world. Some small changes, some large, all very profound to me. When I was thinking about the dream this morning in the shower, I was surprised to realized that the friend in my dream has been a significant part of some of those changes, and there are indications that there are future changes on the way in which he will play a role.
I don't mean to sound mystic and mysterious. I don't mean to. I just don't have a vocabulary for talking about this. I also don't mean to make it sound like this friend from my dream was the only other person involved in this growth, or even the most significant. But it may be that I wasn't giving him the credit I should have, and I think that's what the dream was trying to show me.
Speaking of changes, I have to eat crow. I might as well do it here, since it was here that the crow was nurtured. I can only ask that you restrain your gloating.
I'm thinking about buying a bicycle.
I'll wait for a moment while certain of you (you know who you are) send me mocking e-mails... Back? Okay? Okay.
A while back, Braz was crowing at me about the bicycle he was planning to buy. I had to confess that I don't like bikes. He wanted to know why. Well... I don't like leaning forward for any length of time, and they don't make them so you can sit up straight. (I had a bike as a kid, into high school, that I rode no-handed, even going around corners. It had nothing to do with showing off, and everything to do with not wanting to lean forward.) Since that single-speed pedal-brake bike of my childhood, I haven't seen a bike that would allow me to put both feet on the ground without getting the wedgie of a lifetime. The seats are hard on the tailbone. In short, I told him, it was a comfort issue.
Braz pointed me to the bike Kris was going to get, which was modelled specifically for comfort. The handlebars are adjustable, allowing you to sit up - not straight, but straighter. A properly selected frame would fix the wedgie problem. And this seat was padded and set on a shock absorber, to protect the tailbone somewhat.
Braz and I stubborned at each other for a while, and finally, going nowhere, I promised to give Kris' bike a try when she got it.
Well, this past weekend Braz and Kris went back to Lynchburg to pick up their bikes. And last night, they swung by the Ultimate game to show them off. I have to say, Kris' bike is very pretty. So we walked it over to the paved parking lot, and for the first time in something like fourteen years (barring exactly one occasion in college when I borrowed my roommate's bike and almost killed myself) I rode a bike. I didn't go far or long - just once around the parking lot.
It was long enough. Long enough to realize I was going to have to concede I enjoyed it. Long enough to think I'd have to reconsider my bicycle stance. Half an hour later, I confessed I wanted to ride it again. Kris is such a great friend. She let me. This time I rode up and down every row in the parking lot, and wanted to keep going, but my hands were getting cold from the wind.
I thought Matt would tease me mercilessly. He and Braz both like to tease Kris and I that we do things to be more similar and develop our own version of the Hive Mind. (Can we help it if we're introducing each other to new things that we like? Sheesh.) But Matt didn't tease. In fact, we were giving one of the Ultimate players a ride home, and she said, "So, Matt, are you going to get a bike too?" Matt responded, "No, but if Liz wants to put one on her Christmas list, maybe Santa will bring her one."
I'm not entirely convinced. It's a lot of money to spend on something I'm not absolutely sure of. But Kris promised to let me give it another try sometime, and if that feeling of wanting to go on repeats itself...
Anyone know any good recipes for crow?
So, the Hallowe'en party was Saturday. It was fairly small, but fun. I took some pictures, but this server was down for an operating system re-install all day yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to upload them. I'll probably do that tonight, while I'm on the Hall. In the meantime, here's a small sample...
 |
 |
 |
|||
 |
 |
||||
Word of the Day: pathos - an element in experience or artistic expression evoking pity or compassion; a feeling of compassion
- nothing
Current Projects:
- Christmas stockings and holly leaves
| Previous Reflection |
Current Reflections Reflect Back |
Next Reflection |