6 May 2001
Happy Pun Day! Go ye all and celebrate this Feast of Karen with many wordplays and assorted jokes!
Karen and I were on IRC last night, and decided to sit up until midnight so she could open the PunDay package I'd sent her, and she could tell me her reactions to things as she went. Since I'm particularly proud of the way I packaged these presents, I thought I'd share.
So here's how it goes: There were nine small presents in Karen's package, and a short story which contained clues. The clues were puns on each present, and are indicated in italics. The order of present opening was another word in the story, indicated in bold. The bits of story will be written for you in this font, and Karen's reaction via IRC to me will be written in this font (somewhat edited for brevity). If I have to interject to explain something, it will be in this regular journal font. Ready?
* Gris slides her nail through the priority mail sticker sealing one side before going for the scissors.
Gris: ::chortles as she wields the scissors::
Gris: ::slits open both sides, and heads up the middle::
Gris: ::grunt, grunt, POP!:: Ooh, red! And GOLD!
Gris: Pretty...
Gris: ::lifts off the red tissue paper::
Gris: ::lifts off the gold foil, and chuckles at the title::
A Tale of Daring and Derring-Do!
With Action and Adventure!!
Excitement and Elan!!!
and starring...
Captain Amazing!!!!
An Adventure in Several Parts, in Honor of
Pun Day
and
The Feast of Karen
Gris: ::oohs and aahs, and turns the page::
Captain Amazing landed her ship carefully on the first patch of solid land she could find. She tossed a lock of hair from her eyes, and bared her teeth in a savage grin. If Master Nasty thought he could turn her from her duty to the Intragalactic Space Corps with his hollow threats, he would have to think again! ISC was a shining monument to Truth, Justice, and the Milky Way! (Captain Amazing herself had coined that phrase, and she rather liked its ring.)
Gris: ::giggles:: Truth, justice, and the Milky Way???
Liz: I was particularly proud of that one.
Gris: I can see why. ::grin::
Gris: So let's see... first clue: lock, teeth, turn, hollow, shining, ring....
Gris: ::thinks:: A padlock?
Gris: ::digs into the box::
Gris: ::takes out #2, and sets it to one side::
Gris: ::laughs out loud at the cashbox labelled #3!!!::
Gris: aha! #1!
Liz: ::grin:: I didn't have enough wrapping paper to actually wrap it.
Liz: (#3, that is)
Gris: hee hee hee hee hee! Ooooh, it's COOL! ::shakes the ball and watches the sparklies::
Liz: It's supposed to glow in the dark. That's why "shining" is one of the clues.
(It's a glow-in-the dark keyring, with a miniature snowglobe and two small keys, for the aforementioned cashbox.)
Gris: And now, back to our story...
Still, Captain Amazing was shooting for another promotion, so it wouldn't do to trigger any of Master Nasty's elaborate traps, or to encounter any of his soldiers unprepared. "He'll barrel ahead with it the second he gets a chance," she muttered as she stopped to take stock of the situation, "but I've set my sights on muzzling him!" But she had to come to grips with facts: before she could clip his wings, she had to locate his Chamber of Nastiness.
Gris: ::groans:: Set my sights on MUZZLING him??? ::laugh::
Gris: And... Chamber of Nastiness??? ::LAUGH::
Liz: You wouldn't believe how long I sat here, coming up with all those puns.
Gris: So... clue the second: shoot, trigger, barrel, stock, sights, muzzling, grips, clip, chamber...
Gris: ::groan:: And "clip" his wings...
Gris: I'll take "gun" for two hundred, Alex!
Gris: ::feels the package:: make that "raygun"
Liz: ::grin:: Well, that one's pretty easy. Especially given the clues. :-)
Gris: ::opens #2:: hee hee... a KOOSH gun? But... hmm... the ammunition is missing...
Liz: The gun is the bit that requires the batteries I forgot to put in.
Gris: Ahhh! Oh, *I* see. ::looks at the handle::
Gris: Want me to load it now? Is it for bubbles, or does it do something else?
Liz: (Come to think of it, I probably should have made the batteries part of the package. I could've said something about Captain Amazing facing a battery of soldiers, charging at her...)
Gris: ::GROAN::
Liz: It's up to you. You'll get the ammo later in the package. :-)
Gris: Ah. In that case... ::sets her weapon aside, ready to hand, and continues with the story::
Her Amazing sensors didn't take long to lock in on Master Nasty's stronghold, but Captain Amazing thought something wasn't quite right. "There's only a third of the soldiers there that there should be," she thought. "There must be another location, some place he could be boxed away from prying eyes, protected while he prepares to cash in his chips!"
Gris: Clue the third: lock, box, cash. ::scratches her head with a grin:: Well, hmmmmmmmmmm.
Gris: ::brushes aside the peanuts, removes the number tag, and carefully lifts out the lockbox::
Gris: Hmmm.... keys. ::picks up the keychain with an anticipatory grin::
Gris: ::lifts the latch and leans back a little in trepidation before opening::
Liz: I told you, nothing will spring out at you.
Gris: Yes, but you see, I don't TRUST you. ::grin::
Liz: I don't know why not.
Gris: ::goes back to the story::
Sure enough, a closer look at the sensors showed a small cave, just west of the stronghold. She set forth, ready for trouble. But it appeared that Master Nasty already knew she had joined the party! He had even rolled out the red carpet for her, so to speak, in the form of a squad of his mind-controlled soldiers!
Gris: setting FORTH...ooooh....
Liz: ::laugh:: It's PUNDay, not April Fool's.
Gris: forth: party, rolled out
Gris: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Gris: ::looks deeply puzzled::
Liz: ::nod:: I had trouble coming up with puns for that one.
Gris: Only two clues. Difficult, difficult indeed.
Gris: ::thinks:: A noisemaker? Or a streamer?
Gris: ::carefully looks behind door # 4::
Gris: ::picks up the red one and blows:: hee hee hee hee hee!!!!
I don't know what they're called. The package called them "blow-outs" - they're the little party favors that are curled-up bits of paper, and when you blow into the tube, they unroll.
Gris: But wait, there's more!
Captain Amazing bit into the five soldiers with vigor. She fired into their midst and heard a loud krunch! as one of them crumpled to the ground. "You boys are nuts if you think you're a match for Captain Amazing!" she laughed, letting her dark humor surface. "You're just a bunch of milksops!" All too quickly, it was over. She chuckled again as she holstered her gun, savoring the sweet thrill of victory.
Gris: Five! bit into... oh, dear. ::giggle:: I know what this one is. "krunch!" ...hee hee... nuts, dark, milk, sweet...
Gris: Hershey's Miniatures.
Gris: That's a guess.
Gris: ::peels off #5.
* Liz hopes they haven't all melted and made everything icky...
Gris: ::cackles aloud:: Not THAT is what I call PRESENTATION!!!
Gris: A different kind in each slot.
Gris: ::grins as she unwraps a Mr. Goodbar and eats it:: Yum! Mo meltineff 'ere...
Gris: And so, deeper into the stronghold! Onward, to find the dreaded Chamber of Nastiness!
As she slipped into the depths of the cave, a sixth sense warned her to reload her gun. Though she was still bubbling with adrenaline from the fight, she didn't want to blow her chance. It had taken her too long to track down the slippery Master Nasty, and she wasn't about to let him pop out of sight now!
Gris: sixth: ::laugh:: Damn, you really worked on these.... bubbling, blow, slippery, and ::laugh:: pop!
Gris: I think I've found the ammo dump!
Liz: There's even a hint that it's the ammo.
Gris: You're right... reload her gun!
Gris: ::unwrap unwrap unwrap::
Gris: Tadaaaa! Koosh bubbles!
Gris: I am to assume you just dip it in and fire?
Liz: ::grin:: I put the same gun and bubbles in our Easter basket. It works pretty well. Yep, that's how it goes. The lid of the bubble bottle is just about perfectly sized for dipping, too.
Gris: ::rubs her hands:: Number SEVEN!
This was it! Captain Amazing was in seventh heaven as she saw what had to be the door to Master Nasty's inner sanctum! It was guarded by more of his apes, but they hadn't detected her yet - which mean she had them over a barrel! Captain Amazing pulled a can of sleeping gas from her arsenal. From here on in, she could write her own ticket: Master Nasty was practically in chains already, and once again she would be hailed far and wide as a hero. Master Nasty's exploits had seen a lot of ink, and his capture might just get her that Major's pin!
Gris: ::laugh:: Seventh heaven!
Gris: apes, barrel, write, chains, ink, pin.
Liz: ::grins:: This is the one I'm fairly sure you won't guess. Unless, of course, you've seen this thing in a store yourself.
Gris: Hmmmm.
Gris: A barrel of monkeys?
Gris: A pin displaying monkeys trying to type the complete works of Shakespeare?
Gris: ::feels the package:: Hm. Ink. It IS pen-shaped...sort of...
Gris: ::unwrap, unwrap, unwrap::
Gris: HA! A *PEN* with a barrel of monkeys!!!!!!! :LAUGH:
(I saw this in the store and had to have it! It's a regular ink pen with a miniature version of Barrel o' Monkeys on the end - each monkey was only maybe a half an inch from arm to arm!)
Gris: ::giggling as she opens the barrel and links the monkeys::
Gris: Ah! pin/pen! Got it!
Gris: Needed that southern drawl...
Gris: This is FAR too cute.
Gris: But wait! There's more!
But that was for later. Carefully, lest eight years of effort be wasted, she crept down the corridor. With measured tread, she approached the final door. She was nearly trembling with excitement, ready to scoop up the villain who had so often bowled her over.
Gris: Eight: measured, scoop, bowled...
Gris: Hm...::feels the package:: Measuring spoons?
Gris: ::unwrap, unwrap:: Measuring spoons! Hey, these are cool!
Gris: This is great-- we don't have a decent set of them down here!
Liz: I thought they were neat. They're not as much fun as the other presents, but I liked them anyway. :-)
Gris: I like the colors. ::impish grin:: And cookies can be fun!!!
Liz: ::grin:: Well, there you go.
As she carefully opened the door, a chill ran down her back. "No," she whispered. "Nyet, non, nein!" Master Nasty was no more. Locked in the depths of his crystalline lab, some experiment had hooked and killed him. Captain Amazing felt horror with every fiber of her body as she pieced together the facts: What if he had perfected this thing, and turned it loose? It was just as well he had died, she thought, though too bad he couldn't be brought to justice. "Master Nasty," she said quietly, "you were such a flake."
Gris: And finally..."nein"... LOL
Gris: chill, crystalline, hooked, fiber, flake
Liz: ::grin:: I think the numbers gave me a worse time than the puns. I had a hard time using them all in a way that wouldn't be too contrived.
Gris: ::giggle:: This one was priceless.
Gris: "Nyet, non, NEIN!"
* Gris keels over laughing.
Liz: ::grin:: Well, it was a little contrived, but at least it was funny. :-)
Gris: ::grin:: Hm. chill, crystalline, flake would suggest "snowflake"
Gris: But hooked and fiber don't.
Gris: ::thinks:: A snowflake hooked rug?
Gris: ::squishes the package before opening::
Gris: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Crocheted snowflakes, in various sizes, made with both thread and yarn.)
Gris: They're so PRETTY! And they're all different! Liz, did you do these??
Liz: Of course they're all different. No two snowflakes are alike.
Gris: ::smiles as she lays them all out flat, looking at them:: They're so... so... COOL! ::GRIN::
Liz: Yeah, I made them. I thought you might like a hint of winter to get you through the summer. :-)
Gris: I like the sparkly hints in the big ones...
Gris: ^_^ They're beautiful! Thank you.
Liz: ::nod:: I bought special yarn just for those. I originally made them to be Christmas decorations. They're pretty easy to do, really.
* Gris ATTACKHUGS Liz! "Thank you!!!"
Liz: I'm glad you like them. ::grin:: You're welcome.
Liz: Happy Feast of Karen! ;-)
I hope you enjoy your Pun Day!