11 July 2001
Last year: This month's On Display topic is restlessness, and the Word of the Day is scrutinize - to examine closely and minutely.
Sometimes you do something that's so absurd, even you can't believe it.
Well, maybe you don't. I'll rephrase: Sometimes I do something that's so absurd, even I can't believe it. I shouldn't make excuses, but my brain insists on attempting to rationalize things. I'll try not to foist any excuses off on anyone else.
The short version is this: I got into a snit and I treated two friends rather rudely. First I gave them the silent treatment, and then I walked out. And then I went to bed early and spent two hours alternating between crying hysterically for no reason I could put my finger on; and being angry with myself for having treated people that way; and wondering what the hell was wrong with me.
(A few parenthetical asides: No, Kris, I'm not pregnant. Matt, you're not allowed to feel bad because you didn't notice; I was deliberately hiding it from you because you'd have asked me what was wrong, and I really, honestly, didn't know.)
I'm feeling a little better this morning, which is to say that I'm not hysterical any more. I'm still wondering what caused that jag, and I'm still angry at myself for being so rude.
I won't make excuses for the people I was rude to; I did have some cause to be upset with them. But I hate rudeness, and I especially hate being treated the way I treated them, and there is simply no excuse for that. I'm sorry, guys. I hope you'll forgive me.
I got cocky, yesterday. I said I should be done by lunch, and at lunchtime I was still swearing about a phantom bug - the sort of bug that crops up in random, unexpected places for no reason that can really be tracked down.
I did eventually find it, or at least I found a workaround solution, but then I had to find another problem, and that problem was insidious enough that today I'm going to have to walk very carefully through all my code to make sure I'm not duplicating the error someplace else. (And when I say "all my code" I'm talking about approximately 10,000 lines of code in eight different modules. Shan't be fun.)
Yup. You get cocky like that, start bragging where both gods and men can hear you, and they take their revenge. I'm warning you.
I suppose it would be redundant for me to tell you how glad I am that I'm taking Friday off, wouldn't it?
Don't care. I'm sooooooooo glad that I'm taking Friday off. I really, really need the break.
Word of the Day:
rodomontade - a bragging speech; vain boasting or bluster, ranting
Currently Reading:
- American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Current Projects:
- drawing
- Hall stuff
- garden