18 January 2002

This month's On Display topic is: "What are you sure of?"

I'd been putting off writing about this.

The thing about being a science fiction fan is that one begins to believe that, really, anything is possible.

But the uncomfortable corollary, the thing that's much harder to admit to, is that if anything is possible - then nothing is truly certain.

I cannot put my faith in technology. Heck; I help create it - I know how unstable some of it is.

God? I am not an atheist. I have beliefs. But belief is not certainty. And, faced with compelling arguments, one way or another, I would be agreeable to changing my beliefs. I don't believe in blind, unreasoning faith.

My family and friends? It would be very easy for me to write this entry and say, "I'm sure of my family's love and support." And by and large, that's true. But I have always known - and the events of the past year have served to underscore - the fact that human life is fragile at best.

Before I descend into depression - I'm not sure of death, either. It seems pretty certain, but there's always cryogenics and the advancements of medical science.

There are a lot of things that I'm 99.99% certain of. Many of the things listed above, for example.

But to be honestly 100% sure of something... I don't know if I have it in me.

Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not like I think everything will fall apart tomorrow. I'm just trying to be precise. A lot of good things can come from a little bit of doubt, you know.

I doubt I'll ever be thin again - but it could happen.

I doubt I'll ever be rid of my chronic medical conditions - but it could happen.

I doubt I'll ever be a billionare - but it could happen.

I doubt I'll ever walk on another world - but it could happen.

You see? Being unsure isn't a horror. Being unsure leaves room in your life for change, for wonder.

When I was in college, I had a t-shirt which featured two professors looking at a chalkboard filled with arcane and obscure equations. And somewhere in the middle was a large cloud, inside which was written, "And then a miracle occurs."

It was funny as hell, and on several different levels. I appreciated the humor of it, and wore the shirt practically to rags.

But in a way, it's a good equation. I think it's important to leave a little room for miracles.

--Liz