24 April 2002

This month's On Display topic is: a body part.

Attention! Attention in the body, please! This is Liz's Thighs! Attention!

Thank you. As you may have noticed, we have taken control of Liz's body. While we dislike resorting to such extreme measures, we believe you will understand when we say that something had to be done.

Now that we are in charge, there will be changes!

To begin with, we will no longer consent to the sort of gruelling regimen of labor to which she subjected us this weekend! Our comrades - Arms and Shoulders - they know what we're talking about! And comrade Back... Well, we'll just say that Back was an invaluable ally in our takeover.

But Liz's crimes do not end with this abuse! For she sits, day after day, for hours at a time! And when she finally does move, does she give us warning? Time to gather ourselves for the effort? No! She stands, she walks - all without a single thought for the care due a sleeping muscle-group! It is the same for the rest of you, we are sure. She bends, she lifts, she pulls... and then sits again, without even the common decency of a warm-down stretch!

And so, our brothers and sisters, we have taken control. Even now, we are radiating pain. Think of it, comrades, not as a punishment, but as a lesson in history: The Oppressed Will Rise Up! We will overcome! We will take by force what should have been rightfully given!

All that we ask, comrades, is your contribution to the Cause! The Feet waged their war for years, alone - and now that they have been beaten back, it is our turn to take a stand! One Knee has arisen, and the Neck, and the Back - but it takes more, comrades! Shoulders, Arms - deny the power to lift or even shrug! You Calves can make every step a hateful ordeal!

We shall overcome! And Liz will be sedentary henceforth!

Liz: (But really, what's so new about that...?)

--Liz