I know you love it when I write my journal entry about something I hear on the radio as I'm driving in to work.

This morning, it was a request for advice: A 29-year-old man, whose wife is about to have their first baby, works for a company that provides one month of optional paternity leave. The thing is, he's in the midst of a big project, and he thinks that if he takes less than the full month allotted, he could finish the project and significantly increase his chances for a raise. His wife is furious with him. In her opinion, nothing should be more important than his taking that month to bond with the baby. In his, the top priority should be providing for the baby. So he wrote in (to a radio show???) to ask for advice.

Admittedly, as a pregnant woman, my view is biased. So be it.

I think he should take the month off, with some caveats.

Screw bonding with the baby. He'll be able to bond with the baby just fine in a couple of weeks immediately after the birth and in the time that he's home. The baby will do just fine without him.

But his wife is going to need him. Giving birth isn't easy. Even with the miracles of modern medicine, giving birth is a wracking, draining process. This guy's wife is going to be barely able to walk for days, and she'll be recovering for much of that month. If she's breastfeeding, she'll be more or less immoble for large chunks of the day. She's going to need his help to take care of the house, to fix meals, to do shopping.

That said, it's obvious his career is important to him and that this project is important to his career. I can't believe that a workplace sensitive enough to provide maternity leave won't also offer some other options. Perhaps he can bring portions of the project home to work on. Or maybe they'd let him work part-time through the month - alternating days, or only mornings, or something like that.

Whatever he does, it's important - it's vital that he discuss it with his wife. That they come to an agreement that they're both comfortable with. And, possibly, discuss it again after the baby's arrival, when questions about the wife's health and comfort will be settled.

And in case you're wondering... Matt's planning on invoking the Family and Medical Leave Act, and taking a month off after our baby is born. It'll mean some penny-pinching for us (my maternity leave will pay less than my full salary, and he won't be paid, since his office doesn't offer paternity leave) and possibly drawing money out of savings to make ends meet. I'm okay with that. I'll be grateful for the extra help and support, and we have a savings account for a reason.

Yay, teamwork.

--Liz