How did the first night of sleep training go, you ask? (Yes, I know you didn't, actually, but that's what I'm going to talk about. So there.)

7:15pm - I mix Penny's new medicine with some water and give it to her. She's not the least bit hungry or thirsty, since she just had dinner at 6:30, but giving her medicine with the dropper almost always makes her gag. Since she's going to be on this stuff for a whole month, giving her a bad association right away would be a Bad Idea.

Besides, the infosheet that came with the medicine (Gantrisin, I think? For some reason, I can never remember it. It's almost like how mages in AD&D forget spells as soon as they're cast. As soon as I say the name, I forget it again.) ... Where was I? Oh, yeah. The infosheet said that the medicine should be taken with a full glass of water, and that it might cause nausea or vomiting for the first few days, until the body adjusts to it. So I figure that 1) mixing it with water is a good way to make sure she gets plenty of liquid with the medicine; and 2) that if she only takes a half-dose for the first couple of days, it won't hurt (this is preventative medicine, not curative) and it might avoid the nausea and vomiting.

Penny takes almost half the bottle, then gets bored and wants to play. We let her play (in the kitchen, just in case she throws up anyway) for a while.

7:30pm - Matt takes Penny upstairs and changes her into her sleeper. I am so nervous that my stomach is cramping, but I try to hide it from Penny, at least. When he brings her back down, I read her a couple of books. Then, I hand her over to Matt for another few books.

My original idea was that we'd read her two each. Four may seem like a lot, but she loves being read to, and she usually sits quietly for it, which makes it a good way to wind her down at the end of the day. But while she was obviously tired, she didn't seem drowsy at all, so Matt kept reading - he must have read five books, all by himself.

8:00pm - I kiss Penny and tell her good night, and then Matt takes her (and her Piglet stuffie - we're going to try to make that the comfort-cuddle object) upstairs. He kisses her and tells her good night, and puts her in the crib. It takes her thirty seconds or so to realize that she's being left alone, and to start crying. We start the timer (which we're using so we won't be tempted to shave a few seconds or minutes off the waiting times).

Matt and I sit on the couch in the living room, nervously watching the baby monitor and making "Oh, my poor baby" faces. With one minute left to go, he picks up the timer. "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't stopped it, by accident," he said.

8:05pm - The timer beeps. I go upstairs. Penny is standing in her crib, wailing pitifully. I lean over to give her a hug, but resist picking her up to cuddle her. It's almost as hard as when I was in labor, and the doctor told me to stop pushing. I tell her that I know it's hard, and I love her, and I understand. The wailing reduces to a hysterical, "Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmmm!" I lay her back down and put the blanket over her, and she starts crying in earnest again. I try to hand Piglet to her, and she shoves him away angrily. "It's time for bed, sweetie. I love you. Night-night." She shrieks when I turn for the door. I'm pretty sure that my heart is still on the floor by the crib, but I close the door and go back downstairs.

Matt goes upstairs to start his project, which is installing Windows 98 on our PC. I turn the volume on the baby monitor as far down as it will go, which makes it somewhat more bearable, and whimper at Karen on IM while playing on Neopets. My hands aren't very steady, though, so my scores suck.

8:15pm - Matt's turn. I hear him go into her room, and I creep up the stairs and stand in the hallway - well out of sight - to listen to him try to soothe her, with about as much success as I had. But he also resists the temptation to pick her up. Eventually, he emerges and closes her door. We exchange sad faces and a long hug before I go back downstairs with the timer.

I continue whimpering at Karen on IM. Every once in a while, Penny will stop crying for a few seconds before she starts back up again. Once, the breather lasts as long as 10 seconds. I tell Karen that I don't so much hope she's calming down as, once she's good and worn out, she'll just drop off to sleep during a breather.

Matt comes back downstairs and sits with me on the couch. "I keep thinking she's winding down," he says.

8:30pm - My turn again. Same thing happens.

I decide that I don't want to change into my pyjamas yet, but that I'll go ahead and take off my jewelry. I go into our bedroom and take off my fidget ring, and my necklace with my wedding rings on it, and put them away. I take out my earring- Dammit, did I lose another earring? Maybe it came out when I pulled the necklace over my head.

While I'm looking around on the floor for my lost earring, Matt comes upstairs. He gives me a hug, then goes into the spare bedroom to check on the Win98 install. Just as he's sitting down, Penny goes quiet.

8:35pm - We look at each other. We look at the nursery door, waiting for her to start back up. She doesn't. We look at each other again, and shrug.

I tiptoe downstairs. Penny doesn't start crying again. I tell Karen. The whole time I'm typing, Penny stays quiet.

Matt comes downstairs again a few minutes later, and we discuss precisely when we should check on her again if she wakes up after only a brief nap.

8:45pm - We turn off the timer. Its beep is shockingly loud.

"I was going to make bottles and lunches while she cried," I whisper. "Now what do I do?" (The kitchen is directly under Penny's room. Every now and then, a loud enough noise in the kitchen wakes her up. I am feeling nervous enough that I don't want to risk, say, dropping the bottle of mayonnaise on the floor and waking her.)

Matt shrugs. "I think... Well, she's bound to wake up sometime during the night. I'll make bottles and lunches then." Matt laughs quietly at the thought of me wandering around the kitchen at 2am in my pyjamas, making up food for the next day, but it would be better than just lying in bed listening to her cry. "And in the unlikely event that she sleeps through the night, well... I'll just do them in the morning."

He doesn't care. I'm babbling, really, because of the adrenaline.

9:00pm - "I'm tempted to go check on her," Matt whispers.

"Go," I answer.

He creeps up the stairs, and comes back a minute or so later to report that she's hitching her breath in her sleep, as if she's still sobbing in her dreams. He makes a very sad face, but I'm just relieved that she didn't crack her head on the crib rail, or fall over face-first on Piglet and suffocate. (We're cheating, with Piglet, you see. Babies aren't supposed to have stuffies in the crib until they're over 1 year old, to avoid the SIDS risks.)

9:15pm - Matt goes to bed.

9:30pm - I go to bed.

9:45pm - I remind myself that 1) Penny didn't wake up the previous night until 1am, and 2) she's probably a little worn out, after half an hour of crying, so it's probably safe for me to go to sleep. Thus reassured, I go to sleep.

2:00am - I wake up. The house is quiet. Well, she's already gone longer than last night. I go back to sleep.

4:00am - I wake up. The house is quiet. Maybe she will go all night. Oops! I thought it! Avert, avert, avert! I go back to sleep.

5:15am - I wake up. The house is quiet. She did it! It's officially morning! If she wakes up now, I can just go get her! I go back to sleep.

5:30am - I wake up. The house is quiet. I don't quite go back to sleep, but snuggle with my pillow and doze.

6:00am - Matt's alarm goes off. He turns it off, and I whisper, "Yay, little girl!" which is what one of us always says when she happens to sleep through.

"She's the best little girl ever," Matt says. He sits up. "I think I heard her."

I'm not sure I believe this, but I'm anxious to see her, myself. I sit up while he goes into her room. She is, in fact, awake. And happy. So happy to see Dad! Matt brings her into our room, and she grins hugely at me. So happy to see Mom!

Now I will confess my worst fear about this whole process, which is that she would be so very upset by the sudden change in our behavior that she would turn into a permanently grumpy baby. Or decide she didn't like us any more. I know, that's pretty damn ridiculous, but there you go.

But she's happy! So happy! But hungry! Mom! HUNGRY! So I take her downstairs to fix her breakfast. And the bottles and lunches for today.

Sleep training, Night One: Nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. We have yet to deal with her waking up in the middle of the night, which is bound to happen sooner or later, but so far... Success. I got more than 8 hours of sleep last night. You'd better believe that's worth a lot.

--Liz